I had a really great night!
It's been a while since I'd been invited to a social event that I could actually attend. I ended up having today off, which was a weird stroke of luck since usually I am required to work Tuesdays (it's my day to place the coffee & tea orders). My manager needed two other days off in the week that she'll need me to work, so she's taking care of my Tuesday. Sweeeeet!
I got to celebrate Janelle's 26th birthday which was great! She held a spot at CPK on the patio. I ended up seeing some familiar faces...like Alex, David (aka. Daz), Amanda, Matt, Natalia (and a new face to me, her boyfriend, Robert). It was really nice being able to chit chat with her and all the old friends. It sounds like some of them want to get together again and asked I just let 'em know. Woohoo! So exciting.
I just really needed a nice get together with some good peeps. Not that Brian isn't good peeps...haha. He knows I need to go out every once in a while and though he's not big on group-hangs, he encourages me to have fun when I'd like to.
Yay!
Now, I gotta haul buns into bed...gotta be up in seven hours. Eep!
G'nite all :)
Tuesday, March 19, 2013
Monday, March 18, 2013
Starting Fresh
Life, as a whole, is great.
This August will be my two year anniversary with my husband, Brian. We have been through so much in our relationship over the last six and a half years. I'm proud to say that we only grow closer every day.
I have a job that hasn't technically changed---but feels so much better than what it once was, because I fell back in love with it. I love where I work and the people I work with and around. Everyone is great and makes the hour drive to and from work everyday bearable.
I'm trying to grow. I'm trying to start fresh. I want to keep this positive energy thriving in and around me.
It's been an interesting journey of self discovery to learn this much (which I suppose is obvious to most, but took me forever to stumble upon). Here are a few of the hard truths I have found:
I hate the phone and talking on it. I always have. The only person who ever got me to talk on the phone for as long as I did was an old high school crush and I feel like we hardly talked. We just sort of watched a tv show while being on the phone together and would occasionally comment on the program. What a waste of minutes! Besides the point---I'd been shy growing up and can't stand talking to someone on the phone. I feel you can tell a person's sincerity face-to-face and on the phone anything could be misinterpreted.
So--as a result of that fear or disdain--I've neglected to call friends that I should have. I end up texting or emailing, which I know isn't the greatest form of communication either.
With this---I have lost touch.
I used to write letters to my friends. That worked for a bit.
Eventually---we shifted. We parted.
I feel like I'm to blame.
I don't want to ramble too long.
Here's the thing...although it was only six months ago that I had my accident, it put some things in perspective.
The ones who were showing the most concern were family. Jessica left me a message too (thanks, girl).
I wasn't hospitalized, but I did undergo tests. I was in pain for a good two months. I still brake for shadows. I had more medical drama after that.
You know what? The friends that matter most...and family, of course, were there. And that's what I'm trying to focus on.
Here's my bit on letting go.
So---I've come to terms with the fact that I need to let go of grudges and sometimes of people. Letting go of people doesn't mean that I forget who they are or who they were. I'm simply placing them out of focus.
I don't think people realize how much I constantly think about them on a daily basis. (I wonder how Rochelle, Jim,and their fur children are; I wonder about Hannah and how her job with little kids is and if she still smiles at all their funny phrases or if she's out breaking hearts; I wonder how Christy is with her newly wedded husband; I wonder how Alexis is since she left the coffee world and went to focus on school; I wonder how Amanda is doing when she isn't texting me to see if we have any more job openings; I wonder how Angelli is doing with the man who stole her heart and how her career in yoga is treating her; I wonder how Antoinette is doing though I can never reach her since she joined the Air Force and remarried & has since changed her maiden name; I wonder how Marina is and if she ever married Anthony; I wonder about Little Brian and Anthony and if we'll ever get that dinner date we always promise to do whenever we run into each other; I wonder how Jessica and Jeremy are and if they've found a dream home yet or how they have time to have fun when they're not taking pictures for other peoples' weddings). There are so many people. I sometimes scroll down my list of contacts in my phone during my ten-minute break at work and wonder if any of those people know how much I care and miss them.
It's my own undoing. I undo friendships. I make them and lose them.
I can't expect people to call me and ask me how I am.
Sometimes I need to make the first move.
This week....I think will be my last attempt. If it's meant to be, then hurray--if not...then it's just not the time. It doesn't mean anything bad and it doesn't mean I will care for anyone less. It just means I won't spend extra energy beating myself for not being in constant contact.
I just want a fresh start---I want to keep good friendships, feel happier, live happier, and surround myself with those who want the same.
It might be a difficult step to take, but isn't every first great step?
This August will be my two year anniversary with my husband, Brian. We have been through so much in our relationship over the last six and a half years. I'm proud to say that we only grow closer every day.
I have a job that hasn't technically changed---but feels so much better than what it once was, because I fell back in love with it. I love where I work and the people I work with and around. Everyone is great and makes the hour drive to and from work everyday bearable.
I'm trying to grow. I'm trying to start fresh. I want to keep this positive energy thriving in and around me.
It's been an interesting journey of self discovery to learn this much (which I suppose is obvious to most, but took me forever to stumble upon). Here are a few of the hard truths I have found:
- I will never be good enough for anyone until I am good enough for myself
- Live life in the present: this means letting go of grudges--all of them
- Friends who are lost, are lost for a reason. Timing is everything and everyone has a purpose. The true friends whose purpose intertwines with mine will be there when the moment comes or when there purpose is shared with mine. The friends who aren't there, I will have to let go (*please see 'letting go' section)
- Don't fight for lost causes, save your strength for present battles
- Before you can help or heal anyone else--you must be in good health, if not you need to heal yourself before all others. This doesn't make you selfish.
I hate the phone and talking on it. I always have. The only person who ever got me to talk on the phone for as long as I did was an old high school crush and I feel like we hardly talked. We just sort of watched a tv show while being on the phone together and would occasionally comment on the program. What a waste of minutes! Besides the point---I'd been shy growing up and can't stand talking to someone on the phone. I feel you can tell a person's sincerity face-to-face and on the phone anything could be misinterpreted.
So--as a result of that fear or disdain--I've neglected to call friends that I should have. I end up texting or emailing, which I know isn't the greatest form of communication either.
With this---I have lost touch.
I used to write letters to my friends. That worked for a bit.
Eventually---we shifted. We parted.
I feel like I'm to blame.
I don't want to ramble too long.
Here's the thing...although it was only six months ago that I had my accident, it put some things in perspective.
The ones who were showing the most concern were family. Jessica left me a message too (thanks, girl).
I wasn't hospitalized, but I did undergo tests. I was in pain for a good two months. I still brake for shadows. I had more medical drama after that.
You know what? The friends that matter most...and family, of course, were there. And that's what I'm trying to focus on.
Here's my bit on letting go.
So---I've come to terms with the fact that I need to let go of grudges and sometimes of people. Letting go of people doesn't mean that I forget who they are or who they were. I'm simply placing them out of focus.
I don't think people realize how much I constantly think about them on a daily basis. (I wonder how Rochelle, Jim,and their fur children are; I wonder about Hannah and how her job with little kids is and if she still smiles at all their funny phrases or if she's out breaking hearts; I wonder how Christy is with her newly wedded husband; I wonder how Alexis is since she left the coffee world and went to focus on school; I wonder how Amanda is doing when she isn't texting me to see if we have any more job openings; I wonder how Angelli is doing with the man who stole her heart and how her career in yoga is treating her; I wonder how Antoinette is doing though I can never reach her since she joined the Air Force and remarried & has since changed her maiden name; I wonder how Marina is and if she ever married Anthony; I wonder about Little Brian and Anthony and if we'll ever get that dinner date we always promise to do whenever we run into each other; I wonder how Jessica and Jeremy are and if they've found a dream home yet or how they have time to have fun when they're not taking pictures for other peoples' weddings). There are so many people. I sometimes scroll down my list of contacts in my phone during my ten-minute break at work and wonder if any of those people know how much I care and miss them.
It's my own undoing. I undo friendships. I make them and lose them.
I can't expect people to call me and ask me how I am.
Sometimes I need to make the first move.
This week....I think will be my last attempt. If it's meant to be, then hurray--if not...then it's just not the time. It doesn't mean anything bad and it doesn't mean I will care for anyone less. It just means I won't spend extra energy beating myself for not being in constant contact.
I just want a fresh start---I want to keep good friendships, feel happier, live happier, and surround myself with those who want the same.
It might be a difficult step to take, but isn't every first great step?
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